Just after 1:00 o’clock in the morning, a three year old boy cried out in the dark. Flailing and shouting that he was scared. He was frantic and kicking and pleading to be held. I tried my best to contain his fear. Then I heard the cry of a baby who could only feel nearby chaos in the dark. She needed to know her safety was close. I picked her up.
With one crying child in my lap and another in my arms, I sat on my bed rocking and praying. A hand on each of them, I too became a crying child. Tears fell as I begged God to give us peace. I asked for rest, for mercy, for angels to surround us. My words – barely above a whisper – cried out for arms to hold me. Peace washed over my babies. They drifted back to sleep.
And I sat in the dark, holding them, tears rolling down my cheeks, pouring out my heart to God. I told Him how heavy it all feels. I told Him how exhausted I am. I laid out all my weakness: my broken heart, my anger, my walls, and my fears. I turned a song on my phone and mouthed the words in a broken whisper: “I’ll testify of the battles You’ve won. How you were my portion when there wasn’t enough.”
The number of times I have cried in the dark are beyond memory. And yet, He has never failed to hold me. He has never failed to answer me. He has never ever failed to calm, comfort, and love me.
In any darkness, in any shame, in any fear, in any hurt… every time my shattered soul has called His name in the dark, He has come running. My God has not failed. Not once.
He has met me in alleyways, on bathroom floors, in cold apartments, hospital beds, parking lots, ocean waves, and park benches.
He will not fail me. And He will not fail you.
He has been faithful with every ounce of pain I have ever laid at His feet. He will never forsake me. Every time I call out in the dark, He never fails to wipe my tears.
He never fails to love me. He never fails.
“And I’ll testify of the seas that we’ve crossed. The waters You parted, the waves that I’ve walked. Singing, my God did not fail. It’s the story I’ll tell. Singing, I know it is well. It’s the story I’ll tell”
Psalm 34:18, Deuteronomy 31:6
Emmy Goulet 