Born to be

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Yesterday, we were leaving the store as the sun was beginning to set. The sky was awash with apricot. The thin black lines and fans of palm trees contrasted in the glow.

I pointed it out to Ezra. We stood for a moment staring up at it. And then seemingly out of nowhere, Ezra said, “You know what? We are all born to be something. And I think you were born to be a great Mama.”

My mouth fell open as I looked down at his face. He opened the car door and crawled up into his seat without another word. And my eyes blurred as I turned to load bags of food into the car. I strapped Isaiah into his seat and blinked the drops back into their place.

I can’t quite articulate all the ways I broke and sang at the sound of those words. How the air left my chest. And my soul gave a shout.

The years that felt aimless further faded. And I wish I could have pulled my past self through the door of a time machine to that moment.

So much wasted in feelings of failure and a sense of being unqualified; both in distant years and the daily now. How many days have I felt like I haven’t done enough or been enough? How many times has my patience been short and the list long?

All of the many reasons I was born- to mother, to teach, to give, to lead… it can all be lost in doubt, blindness, shame, and comparison. Every ounce of purpose stolen out from under me by the deception allowed to gather in the corners of my heart.

And then, in the middle of a parking lot surrounded by the bustle of shopping carts under the canopy of tea rose clouds- God used the small voice of a young boy to remind me: You were born to receive love and pour it back out. There is a baton to pass. Touch hearts and shape minds, even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard. You were born for this.

“My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.”

“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Eternal. Plans for peace, not evil. To give you a future and hope. Never forget that.”