The day stretched until I was sure it would burst. My arms couldn’t hold it. Both of my boys were out of sorts. Their struggles became the pick-up stick pile that I wove in and out of all day. Papa swore it was full moon angst. And I just swore that my patience was gone.
Then as late hours swayed on; I sat alone. I read the words of a mother who felt empty as her children now spend their days at school. She watches the clock, searches for purpose, and laments the moments she missed when they were right there with her. I realize that I was able to hold my boys all day.
Then like a blow to the chest, word of another mother- a stranger, many miles of sea away- lost her boy today. She held him while he slipped away. She frantically tried to make the air return, but he was already stepping past pearl into the brightest light. Tears fall just imagining the letting go. Saying goodbye and waiting for your name to be called. How slow this life will pass for her. I realize I will hold my boys tomorrow. Suddenly a heavy load feels like the biggest gift; the normalcy of a day feels like injustice. And I am undone.
Putting clean sheets on his bed, my hands glide over the puppy dog pattern. I blink hard. I want to keep reading him bedtime stories; but when will he stop asking? The slipping away breaks me wide open.
Today, I teach the Purim story. The celebration began in 473 BC. Why do we need to tell a story thousands of years old? Because we still need it. We still need to be reminded of purpose and faithfulness. We still need to be reminded to trust the timing and presence of an eternal God that delivers. We still need to know that we are seen, heard, held, and used to do great works that surpass our small scope of vision. We forget so easily. Just as I forget the treasure I hold and that it will one day fade. The telling of fears and promise- victory over plots to destroy- they remind us.
My legs have walked the soil of each corner of this land and all the space between. But I was brought to this place-this moment- for such a time as this. There is a new age coming and we are called to train them up. I hold them today; so they can march tomorrow.